Welcome to Top Chef, Not Top Scallop, the world’s greatest Top Chef recap blog. This is a recap of Portland’s Last Chance Kitchen, episode 3. Read my recap of last week’s LCK here and of this week’s Top Chef episode here. You can watch the latest LCK here.
I’ve watched the above GIF about 13 times and Roscoe’s jaw drop is still making me laugh. I’m also glad Sasha acknowledges their fancy duds by asking them how church was that morning. Seriously, why are Roscoe and Brittanny dolled up? Were they at church? Did Padma and Gregory start a holistic health cult in the COVID bubble? I’m so curious to know what the day-to-day was like for the judges and the eliminated chefs. When was this edition of LCK filmed and over how many days? My dad pointed out the bags under Gail’s eyes. Are her kids quarantining with her or is everyone just mainlining whiskey and foie gras every night?
Anyways, “Kiki’s undercooked dishes left the judges a little raw,” Uncut Colicchio half-heartedly intones during the intro. He then introduces Kiki to the cartoonish shock of his motley crew before laying out the challenge: Make a raw dish—har har—out of your choice of beef, salmon, shrimp, etc. Sasha chooses yellowtail tuna, Kiki chooses scallops, and both chop their protein into “cubies.” Tom continues to be the Joker.
The tight 20-minute time limit is tough for both chefs. It takes time, after all, to inject any amount of bold flavor into a raw protein. Kiki scales back on her initial plans for the scallops, focusing primarily on a tamarind hot pepper relish. Sasha, meanwhile, is so rushed her frantic plating looks like this:
She ends up with a citrus-marinated yellowtail with avocado puree and Calabrian chili oil:
Kiki, meanwhile, makes a gorgeous scallop ceviche with a tamarind relish with poblano and habanero peppers:
Tom lauds Kiki’s as “nice and balanced” and “fresh and vibrant,” while declaring Sasha’s “punchy and strong.” Alas, one chef made “one small mistake.” It was Sasha, her mistake being “too much sauce.”
Tom during judging:
So ends Sasha’s impressive LCK streak and so redeems Kiki, who, if she can claw her way back into the competition, comes with one hell of a narrative.
A few other things:
Thank you for indulging my Seinfeld/Curb obsession.
Some incroyable Uncut Colicchio at around 6:30 of this episode. As with last week’s highlight, it’s impossible to explain. Just Tom musing about Calabrian chiles before losing all control of his speech for about two seconds and veering into a stabilizing “alright.” I LIVE FOR IT.