Welcome to Top Chef, Not Top Scallop, the world’s greatest Top Chef recap blog. This is a recap of Portland’s Last Chance Kitchen, episode 2. Read my recap of last week’s LCK here and of this week’s Top Chef episode here.
Well, we’ve arrived at that most tragic moment of all modern Top Chef seasons: the Last Chance Kitchen episode where the first person eliminated is forced to sit by themselves on the sidelines, sighing out words of encouragement while reckoning with the fact that their Top Chef journey is well and fully done. They might as well wear a dunce cap.
Some, like Sam “Poochie” Talbot, make the best of it via lime-based comedy:
Others, like our friend Roscoe, are content to just chill. Thankfully, we’ve got a full kitchen this week, as Gregory and Kwame swing by to help Tom judge Brittanny and Sasha’s one-on-one.
As always, it’s hilarious to watch Tom try and connect the dots between the reasons a chef left the competition and whatever’s happening in LCK that day. Brittanny’s food, you see, “lacked a sense of self,” so here come Gregory and Kwame, “two stellar chefs who have a great sense of self.” The challenge is to cook a one-pot meal that reminds the chefs of who they are and what they love to cook.
It can seem vague and unhelpful when Top Chef alums tell current cheftestants to “cook your food,” but what’s been clear throughout season after season is that, no matter how confident a chef is, the urge to show off tends to eclipse one’s identity. That’s true for Brittanny, who admits to cooking for the judges and not herself, a self-critique I’ve always interpreted as a need to impress that results in overthought, over-cluttered dishes. Simplicity is always best, but that’s a tough concept to accept in a cutthroat competition. Also, there’s nowhere to hide in simple cooking.
She grounds herself with a hearty seafood chowder with cod and crab she makes for her husband at home:
It turns out good. Kwame praises its “depth of flavor” and Tom says it’s “screaming Chesapeake Bay,” but it doesn’t stand a chance against Sasha’s chicken thigh cacciatore with red bell peppers, Calabrian chilis, hen of the woods mushrooms, and golden raisins. Sasha is initially concerned about the dish’s spice level and tosses in some golden raisins—to Tom and co.’s amusement—to help sweeten it up, but it ends up being a non-issue.
Though the initial judging is somewhat muted—Tom praises its “stew-like character”—the trio’s love for it really comes through when it’s announced as the winner. Kwame calls it the best thing he’s had all season and, yeah, we’re still early, but considering the quality of this past week’s dishes that’s some hefty praise. She moves on, and Brittanny shares some genuinely thoughtful words about how everyone has their own individual wins on Top Chef, even those who bow out early.
Okay, now on to the really important question: Is Tom stoned in this episode? Deeply chill vibes here, and some genuinely baffling deliveries. I implore you, if you’re just reading this recap and not watching the episode, go now, fast forward to just after two minutes into the episode, and listen to his weird upward inflection when he says her dish “lacked a sense of self.” I’ve listened to it 10 times. I will lay awake repeating it in my head. It will be my transcendental meditation mantra. Elsewhere, Tom’s delivery can be described “Bruce Willisian,” specifically when he cracks about how 30 minutes is “plenty of time, right, lots of stuff you can do” and Gregory can’t tell if he’s joking. I’m telling you, I love Uncut Colicchio.
Two more things:
I visibly recoiled when Brittanny complimented Sasha’s plate and Sasha casually replied, “Right back at you, doggy, arf arf.” What the fuck.
Here is a good gif of Sasha I am going to probably use a lot.
See you next week!