Welcome to Top Chef, Not Top Scallop, the world’s greatest Top Chef recap blog. This is a review of Top Chef: Portland, episode 10. My name is Randall Colburn and I am going to make fun of Richard Blais a lot. Read last week’s recap here and my latest LCK recap here.
For those of you who don’t watch LCK (or read my recaps), here’s what you missed:
Let’s talk about Byron. Like Chris, Byron feels like he’s about 10 seasons too late for Top Chef. Because Byron and Chris specialize not in fine dining, but Fine Dining. They make tweezer cuisine, impeccably plated bites served to people who own brownstones and their own tuxedos. There’s nothing wrong with that, of course. Sometimes it’s fun to go to Eleven Madison Park when you find a thousand-dollar bill on the ground. But, as I discussed in an earlier recap, Top Chef’s evolved alongside the culinary zeitgeist in how it now values a chef’s point of view just as much as it does their technique. In 2009, Michael Voltaggio could deride Kevin Gillespie’s elevated Southern fare as food he makes on his “day off.” For the 2009 Fine Dining chef, rustic plates couldn’t hold a candle to a fastidious serving of fennel-scented squab. Back then, cheftestants sought to intimidate with names like Jean-Georges, Eric Ripert, and Thomas Keller. And, yeah, those names still ring out, but their style of Fine Dining no longer defines what constitutes a Top Chef. Now, it’s less about technique than it is honoring ingredients. It’s less about replicating recipes than it is making dishes no one else could make. There’s a reason, I think, people were so mad about Nick Elmi winning New Orleans over Nina Compton and Shirley Chung. It wasn’t just that he seemed like a bit of a dick, but that his refined white table cloth cuisine lacked the personality of Nina and Shirley’s food. It’s not surprising that those two have appeared on episodes in recent years, while Nick hasn’t. Remember on last year’s All-Stars when a judge told Bryan Voltaggio his food had no soul whatsoever? Can you imagine anyone saying that on his original season?
Bryan’s actual face when he was told his food has no soul:
My actual face when you say my Top Chef recaps have no soul:
This season, we watched Chris spiral into an existential tizzy over his absent POV. He’s French-trained and obviously talented but after cooking alongside Gabe, Maria, and Sara, each of whom have clear visions, and participating in the Pan-African and indigenous challenges, he’s internalized that all the technique in the world can’t stand in for a POV. Byron, too, mentions this as he, Dawn, and the chefs hug it out, saying that the other chefs give him hope as he tries to “find that identity that I struggle with.” This struggle towards self-actualization isn’t a new Top Chef theme—it became pronounced, I’d say, in New Orleans with Shirley—but it is one that’s coming more and more to the forefront each season.
Okay.
The episode begins with Maria claiming there’s not an “ounce of evil” in Jamie and Jamie replying by saying she “used to fight people.” If that surprises you, well, then you haven’t been paying attention.
Quickfire
Tom and Gail are on hand with Padma and Blais for this week’s Quickfire challenge, which works like this:
Tom, Gail, and Padma draw knives emblazoned with chef’s names. Each ends up with two chefs.
Tom gets Shota and Maria and tells them he’d like something “tangy and crunchy.”
Gail gets Gabe and Jamie and says she’d like something “smoky and charred.”
Padma gets Dawn and Byron and says she’d like something “spicy and tart.”
They pick winners in their individual head-to-head competitions. The winner amongst the winners is chosen by Richard Blais, who is wearing a camouflage polo.
Chipotle sponsors the Quickfire, providing 53 ingredients they use to “keep their food fresh” (and embroiled in lawsuits). The chefs have 30 minutes to make something with avocado. Winner gets $10,000.
Shota feels wildly out of element, noting that Japanese food doesn’t indulge much in spices. He admits to just imitating things he’s seen Maria do throughout the season, like charring peppers on the grill. Speaking of charring, Gabe cockily says that, despite Jamie having “a fire burning inside,” he’s the expert at “smoky and charred.” He’s not wrong, but he exudes the same smarmy vibes Travis did about his Vietnamese food in New Orleans. (Sorry I keep bringing up New Orleans!) Byron leaves his pork butt on the grill and it overcooks.
As such, Dawn wins. Gabe does, too. And, in an upset, Shota’s spicy avocado puree with sautéed spinach, pork loin, and crunchy beans beats Maria’s black bean tortilla with fried avocado, with Padma chiding Maria for not going spicy enough. “I didn’t want to kill Richard,” a spurned Maria says, to which I cheered because more people should make fun of Richard Blais and his little camouflage polo.
Shota’s glory is short-lived, however, as Blais chooses Dawn’s wood-fired pork loin with crispy onions and poblano avocado puree as the winner, marking Dawn’s second Quickfire win in a row.
More importantly, though: What was up with Shota and Gail’s crunchy bean bond?
Did I miss something? Is Gail especially fond of crunchy beans? I am obsessed with this exchange. Fuck it, I’m shipping them. Sorry, Sara/Shota stans.
Elimination Challenge
Finally, what you’ve all been waiting for: TOFU. I actually dig tofu when it’s crispy, but I was still a bit bored by this one, despite the show’s valiant attempts to make tofu look exciting. Portland, after all, is home to Ota Tofu, America’s oldest active tofu maker. Did you know soy pulp is called okara? Now, now, calm down, kids. Everybody gets a crumble.
Ed Lee, who could be a real dickhole on Top Chef: Texas, is the latest judge to enter the Top Chef bubble. He explains the rules of this “tofu tournament,” which works thusly:
There’s three rounds. Not every chef will compete in each round, but they’ll each have to prepare like they will.
Chefs draw knives to determine their competitors and the type of tofu they’ll be cooking in the first round. Shota and Maria get medium; Dawn and Gabe get firm; and Byron and Jamie get extra firm.
Win your first head-to-head battle and you’re safe. Lose and it’s onto the fried tofu challenge. Win that and you’re safe. Lose and it’s time to make a dessert using soft tofu.
Shota’s so comfortable with tofu he prepares his medium hunk in six different ways. Dawn, who has a background in modern Japanese cuisine, breaks out the Cryovac for a West Indian-style braised tofu with charred vegetables. Neither of them run away with it, though. Maria, who fails in her novel attempt to treat the okara like chorizo, puts up a good fight with her tofu tamale. And Dawn, who tackled the first course with confidence, fails due to the Cryovac not Cryovac’ing as she’d like. It’s close for both of them, though, the judges being forced to break a tie in both head-to-heads.
Gregory: “I personally think she took the ingredients, applied them a few different ways. It was a more creative dish.”
Tom: “I thought the masa was just mush. The tofu wasn’t treated well art all. Shota’s was much more tofu-forward.”
Padma: “While Shota used tofu six different ways it all tasted the same.”
Gail: “I saw nuance and real subtlety.”
Kristen: “I thought it was too sweet.”
Shota wins, probably due to Tom being downright disgusted with Maria’s dish.
Gail: “Gabe’s dish was really bright, there was much more complexity to his sauce. I also just think the tofu was much more pleasurable to eat.”
Dale: “But he didn’t braise it. He dropped it in the sauce, he brought it up, and basically marinated it.”
Padma: “If I had to order a dish again, I would order Dawn’s, but it was a tofu challenge.”
Kwame: “I loved the brown stew aspect.”
Gabe wins, no doubt stirring the Angry Dale buried within Happy Dale.
As for Jamie and Byron, well, her Bánh Xèo with sautéed tofu and fresh herbs crushed Byron’s pan-seared tofu and tofu vinaigrette (9-1). And, this challenge being structured differently than the others, not much was said about either of them!
Here’s what they looked like:
That leaves Maria, Dawn, and Byron to riff on fried tofu. Dawn goes for a clever riff on Nashville hot chicken, but, in trying to add some color to her plate, cuts her finger on a mandolin and bleeds straight into a few of her bowls. Lots of people cut themselves on Top Chef, but I can’t remember an instance where the blood actually went into the food. Sweat? Yes. Blood? No. Byron and Maria rush to help her make new plates, but she still ends up one short, disqualifying her. (Personally, I’d be terrified to eat any of her plates, lest an errant drop found its way into my pickles. But, hey, drinking young people’s blood is how rich people stay looking so young, so…)
It comes down to Maria’s fried tofu steak with Asian mole and fried soy bean crumble and Byron’s guajillo-fried tofu with grilled shrimp and crispy tofu skins. Maria wins handily. “It’s very new, all these flavors together,” says Kwame.
And this is where everyone begins to worry about Dawn. She admits she didn’t completely conceptualize her dessert—“I have components,” she says—and drifts around her station without much sense of purpose. One chef on the sidelines wonders if she’s given up. Byron, meanwhile, moves with confidence, assembling a soft tofu mousse with honey, okara, and dried mango granola. It’s a credit, then, to Dawn’s talent that, even without much of a plan, she makes something delicious. (Shades of Restaurant Wars performance, yeah?)
Melissa: “They’re nearly identical. I really enjoyed her crumble and use of adding sesame.”
Tom: “She gave us two different tofus. They were both nice. I like the two different temperatures.”
Blais: “Dawn’s dish was a textural wonderland.”
Dale: “Overall, I would go back to Byron’s before Dawn’s.”
Gail: “Byron’s dish was gorgeous.s It felt focused. He knew what he was making and completed it exactly as intended.”
Kristen: “There was a fullness and a roundness on my palate. It feels intended.”
Kwame: “Byron nailed it on the texture of that mousse. Dawn nailed it on the overall flavor profile of the dish.”
Have to admit, based on the comments and the editing, that I was surprised it was Byron and not Dawn going home.
Scraps
Tom Colicchio, King of Hats
The man simply loves his hats this season.
Did…did Jamie say her dish “looks like a baby”?
Jamie: “I may look like Hello Kitty but sometimes I am Tony the Tiger.”
The footage of Gabe sharpening his knife at the house made me miss house intrigue. All kinds of drama used to happen at the Top Chef house. I’d take a Hosea/Leah-style hookup at this point.
Shota took a selfie with Padma at one of her book signings. Adorable.
Next time on Top Chef: Brooke’s back and I’m already anxious.
Regarding Bryan's food having no soul, I took that in stride with his reserved personality. He's a reserved person (at least on tv), so I think his food has his soul.